My interpretation of a potential intelligence briefing with Donald Trump as President
My interpretation of a potential intelligence briefing with Donald Trump as President (based off of the news reports that have him stating that U.S. Intelligence isn’t worth anything):
Trump: So, today’s intel. I don’t trust you guys, just so you know. And nobody has trust issues like me, believe me. So what do you have for me.
Briefing Officer #1: Well, there’s a situation in Damascas.
Trump: Damascus. Damascus. Why does that seem familiar?
Briefing Officer #1: Its –
Trump: I got it! I got it! It’s Congress.
Briefing Officer #1: Er…
Briefing Officer #2: No, Mister President, it’s –
Trump: Congress. That damnable Congress. Dem ask us for money all the time.
Briefing Officer #2: We don’t do intelligence reports on Congress, sir.
Trump: I would imagine not. Not much intelligence there to gather. And I know about lack of intelligence. Nobody lacks intelligence better than me.
Briefing Officer #1: Maybe we should try another report.
Trump: Go ahead. Make it brief.
Briefing Officer #2: It is a brief.
Trump: Brief what?
Briefing Officer #2: You, sir.
Trump: I’m not brief. I’m long-winded.
Briefing Officer #1: Back on track here, sir. The next report we have is about Turkey.
Trump: Turkey!! I like turkey. Not as good as Trump Steaks, but yummy all the same. Now that I think about it, and nobody thinks like I do, I could really use a sandwich. A nice Turkey sandwich. With Dijon mustard. Not that French’s stuff, because I don’t like the French.