Something Old #3: More blast from the Past – “Oh, Janeway”

First, let me say this.  I cannot believe I finally find this again.  I am so *freakin’* happy, I could smiley emoticon.  🙂

I’m just going to post this and let it speak for itself!

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Subject:  For Tuvok Lovers and Most especially Julianna
Date:  Tue, 03 Aug 1999 01:09:21 GMT
From:  Zabana Brandon
Organization:  Beguiling Imagination, Creative bIzZaRiTiViTy & The Jungle


It’s the end of another normal day aboard Voyager.  The bridge crew, consisting of TUVOK, KIM, PARIS, some good ol’ non-descript background types and CHAKOTAY, are easing down.  They’ve made it through another 8 hour day shift where nothing bad happened nor did anything go wrong on the holodecks.  Chakotay stands up, straightens his tunic in move somewhat reminiscent of the old Picard maneuver, and looks to Tuvok.

CHAKOTAY:  Well, that’s it for me today.  I think I’ll head off to the galley for a quick bite, and then off to the holodeck for a little workout.  (does some quick shadowboxing for effect)  Tuvok … you have the bridge.

TUVOK:  Aye, sir.

CHAKOTAY:  See you all later.

Chakotay receives a chorus of goodnight’s from the various bridge crew.  Tuvok, out of the corner of his eye, watches as Chakotay leaves, making sure that the Commander is well shielded behind the closed doors of the turbolift before saying out loud …

TUVOK:  Loser.

Kim lets loose a slight giggle and Tom swivels in his chair to face Tuvok.

TOM:  You don’t think he suspects, do you?

TUVOK:  And what would that be, Ensign?

TOM:  You know … what you say behind his back.

TUVOK:  I should hope not.  If he did, then I would be forced to mindmeld with him to make him forget.

KIM:  I can see how you wouldn’t want that to happen.  (beat)  So, Tuvok … do we get a song tonight?

TUVOK (raising an eyebrow):  Most assuredly, Ensign.

Tuvok picks up an electric guitar that is hidden just beneath his security console, and plugs the jack into the bridge’s communications system.

TUVOK:  Will you accompany me tonight, Ensign Kim.

KIM:  I thought you’d never ask.

Kim whips out his clarinet, much to the astonishment of Paris.

PARIS:  Do you take that with you *everywhere* you go, Harry?

Kim smiles, somewhat embarrassed.

TUVOK: Follow my lead.

Tuvok begins playing a somewhat maudlin tune (NOTE:  Gosh if it doesn’t sound a *whole* lot like PURPLE RAIN), then begins to sing.

I never meant to cause you to choose another
I’ve never even figured out why you did
I only wanted at one time to be your confidant
I only want to be the one you turn to for advice

Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
I only want to have you asking me for some advice

(Harry joins in with his clarinet)

I never wanted to be your weekend commander
I only wanted to be some kind of friend, yea yeah
Kathryn, logic’s fled you for some reason or another
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end

(everyone joins in singing for the chorus)

Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway

(Paris lights up a lighter and begins waving it)

Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
I only want to have you talk to me like you used to

Kathryn, I know, I know, I know the time’s are a-changin’
It’s time we all reach out for something new (that means you too)
You say you wanted a leader
and you seemed to have made up your mind
I think it’s all closed up now
and you got yourself, oh, that Chuckles guy

Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
All those who know what I’m talking about raise your hands!
Oh, Janeway … oh Janeway
I can’t believe you
Oh, I can’t believe that you
You picked that Chuckles guy

(Tuvok and Kim solos)
hoooooooo oooooo ooooo
hoooooooo oooooo ooooo
hoooooooo oooooo ooooo hoooooo

As Tuvok plays the last chord, Paris closes up his lighter and wipes a long tear away from his right eye.

PARIS:  That was beautiful, Tuvok.  I take back any bad thing I ever said about.

TUVOK:  Apology accepted, Ensign Paris.  (puts away his guitar)  I must now take my leave to do some meditation.  Ensign Kim, you have the bridge.

KIM:  Aye, sir.

Tuvok exits the bridge.

KIM (to Paris):  Now don’t you wish you hadn’t been busted down to ensign.

PARIS:  Ha, ha, Harry.  Ha, ha.



I hope you all enjoyed that.  🙂

(‘though I’m sure I’ll hear from the Chakotay camp.)

— Zabana Brandon, parodist in one of his hearts

About Brandon Williford

Dad. Writer. Creator of things. I sound like I should be fun.

Posted on April 4, 2013, in Humour and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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